January 2010
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i can’t sleep because i can’t get all this stuff off my mind. i want to take a power tool to my brain so the same words and names aren’t just going round and round and round and round and round. etc. i’ve played the fool for long enough. i want to stand alone but don’t know how. i want to be a stronger person, but things keep getting in my way. i keep getting in my own way. i’m determined to do...
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‘don’t you want to get up today?’ ‘no.’ i huddled down more deeply in the bed and pulled the sheet up over my head. then i lifted a corner of the sheet and peered out. the nurse was shaking down the thermometer she had just removed from my mouth. ‘you see, it’s normal.’ i had looked at the thermometer before she came to collect it, the way i always...
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earlier today i was at uni and listening to sad songs & doing art about my therapy & it made me hate that i lost so much time to hospitals & clinics & tears & drugs when i could have been doing what i did last night. last night i got dressed up & went into town & had drinks & conversation with some lovely people & generally just had a great evening, even if it...
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human condition.
i always want something just out of reach, something i’m not supposed to have. in other news i’m desperate for summer. i want to lie out in the sun and get deliciously hot, i want that horrible, stifling heat that never fails to remind me of italy. and i want a tan and to sit outside until late at night and not get cold and to sit outside pubs and have a cold drink and a fag and make...
